Thursday, September 22, 2011

Operation Lockdown

I’ve become a pretty open book. There are probably two, perhaps three, areas of my life that I will not under any circumstances divulge. Otherwise, if you ask (and sometimes if you don’t), I’ll tell you almost anything you want to know. For real.

But I was talking to one of my friends today and was reminded that I can’t always be that open, because there are some things that you can’t trust people with. First off, no that person did not stab me in the back. We were talking about guys (what else, right?) and she was, like, “Make sure you’re careful with who you talk about this to.” It got me kind of worried, to the effect of, “Have I been saying a bunch of stuff about it that I don’t recall or mentioning it in mixed company?”

Her reply? “You always have to be more cautious than you think you do.” So, I really don’t know what kind of answer that was in regards to my question, but it was a useful one all the same. I’m considering pushing the issue further, but I’m not entirely sure. I guess this is really a short post, but it’s a reminder to myself because being cautious is something I’ve tried to leave behind. I used to be too cautious, and it left me seeming rude, disengaged, and overall snobby, when really I just didn’t want to embarrass myself. Now, though, I’ve gotten past that (mostly), but almost to an opposite extreme.

For the record, I’m also trying to reinforce the whole, “I will be the crazy pet rock lady,” into my head because, quite frankly, most guys are idiots… Kinda. I’m really blessed to have some awesome guy friends, and I’m trying to teach myself that if I have those kind of friends, you don’t need to enter the whole dating drama, because guy friends are just as awesome with much less emotional chaos attached. AND they’re the kind of people who give you hope that decent men exist. I know that may sound drastic, but after all the crap stories you hear about men, I’m glad to have made some friends that prove otherwise. So Caleb, Chris, Tim, Tom, Josh, Ozzy, and Zak (not that any of you will ever read this): THANK YOU for being my friends and for proving that not all guys are butt-heads. It’s encouraging to us single girls out there that there may be a decent guy show up yet (and I know I’m not the only one saying that, because I had this conversation last night with another single friend of mine).  

Unfortunately, that’s not working so far. I really, really, REALLY (I don’t think you can possibly understand how strong that really is) want to find a man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. But for now, God, please help me be thankful for the amazing friends (guy and gal) I have, my family, and You, because I need those to be enough right now. Thank you. 

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