Honduras

1. Just landed!
2. Oh my God. This place is beautiful.
3. I feel like a fish out of water, but I’ll be damned if I don’t learn how to swim on land.
4. I love everyone I have had the privilege to meet here.
5. “We love you even when you don’t understand.” Ana and Molvin almost made me cry.
6. Never did I think I would get to say, “We’re all gonna die, to Javier’s driving. Victory is mine.
7. There is something special about these people
8. Confession: I really enjoy dancing… By myself. In my room. Where no one can see me. I really suck at it. XD
9. I got to see Javier and the group dance on stage! Saw most through a camera while videoing, but I made sure to look up so I could see it for real (Sorry about the shaky footage!). It was also Francisco’s first time dancing on stage.
10. This is the only time you will hear me say a word about this. I am so frustrated. I wish I understood what was happening, but I can’t. And I wish the others didn’t have to use English just because of me. I want to be able to tell these amazing people just how amazing they are, but I don’t know how.
11. I love knowledge and the pursuit of it, but I would rather have a kind heart any day.
12. To all those I call my brother, sister, or close friend: I give a crap. When you’re exhausted, sad, frustrated, worried, excited… I care. Sometimes I suck at listening or miss a text, but know that I love you. The things you tell me when you’re crying or when you’ve had it up to here… I remember them because they’re important to you. There’s a reason that I keep popcorn on hand (because it makes you feel better like nothing else does); that I poke fun at the sounds you make crying on the phone (because it makes you laugh and forget what’s going on, just for a second); that I don’t hug you when you cry (because it only makes you cry harder); and so many other little things.. I’m here and I love you. Thank you for always being there. I’m honestly not sure what I would do without you in my life.
13. I hate seeing the people I care about all stressed out, upset, and exhausted. Especially when I can do nothing to help.
14. Holy cow! I’ve been here for more than a week. Time goes by SO fast.
15. So… I danced. More than once. And it was a lot of fun!
16. Tonight brought back so many good memories…Atol (I think that’s what it was called) is this really creamed, smooth corn soup/mush… It reminds me of my papa. Fresh corn anything was my childhood. I know they didn’t mean to bring back all the memories, but I’m so glad they did. J
17. Wow. Tonight’s my last night in La Esperanza. This has been, without a doubt, one of my favorite experiences in life so far, and I got to share it with a friend (well, really… He shared it with me. Thank you, Javier!).
18. I have always hated goodbyes, but watching them hurt someone else…. Sucks. L
19. A mis amigos de Honduras, no pude hablar con ustedes cuando fui alla, pero les quiero. Gracias por su Amistad, especialmente cuando no entendi. Nunca lo olvide.

Overload Extreme

This semester is crazy. Crazy.

• I am taking 17 credit hours, which is more than I have ever taken at one time.
• I am in a position similar to that of an RA, but instead I'm working with residents on academic things. It's A LOT less stress and fewer hours, but it's still new and time-consuming.
• I live in the freshman building to do that job. Talk about chaos.
• I also started a second job, also new, in the tutoring center on campus. I work there 11 hours per week.
• Now let's add one more thing. I am designing (EEP! :D) costumes for the first time this semester, which means a lot of research hours and a weekly production meeting, plus the physical act of pulling costumes and (heaven forbid) making them. 

I don't know our staff very well, but I've made a couple friends. One staff member lived on campus this summer as well, so we became pretty good friends, and I had my friend Nicole on campus too, which was good. But now that my best friends are back on campus, I really just want to spend time with them, but I can't. And Summer-friend feels like I have a grudge against being in Scanlon when two of my best friends were placed on V-Hall staff which, to be honest, I guess I do. Because I'm not actually an RA, I don't feel like I fit in with the others, but I'm still here, so I feel alone a lot. And it's only been three class days, but I'm already stressed and haven't seen my best friends, and I'm super terrified that I'm going to lose them, and I just want time with them. But they rarely text me, and I don't want to be that creepy needy friend. I keep hoping they'll text me occasionally too, but they don't. I don't know if it's just because they're as busy as I am or if they're just all together, so my absence isn't a huge deal... I miss them a lot. And I can't even vent about it in real life because it hurts Summer-friend's feelings (which I totally understand and don't want to do, because she is my friend). So instead I'm sitting in my room at 2:30 in the morning crying because I feel like I'm going to lose all of my non-freshman/non-math/non-theatre friends this semester, and it kills me. And it feels like it's already started. 

Sorry this is so whiny. I just don't know where to vent, and this seemed like the safest place to go because Nicole and Rachel are the only people who follow me, so it's not like anyone else will see it. Haha. 

Good night guys. 

So much crazy, so little time...

This summer is easily one of the most chaotic and amazing in my life thus far. So far, I have registered for classes, begun research, ridden in an airplane, left the Midwest for the first time, and seen the ocean, and it's only just June. But that may have actually been the calm part.

The next few weeks should be really chill. Doing math, hanging out with friends... The norm. But I also may get to see Idina Menzel (birthday present), I will turn 19, and I will start summer classes, which will bring me into July. From there, I will continue research; possibly be a part of a missions team in Kansas City doing Vacation Bible Schools for inner-city kids; go to Chicago with my mom, niece and cousins; and then the current plan is to depart for Honduras at the start of August, returning two days before RA training and the start of a new school year. I only wish I knew that it would all come together. The things I can guarantee are classes, research, and Chicago, and Honduras (buying my ticket this week! EEK!).

I can't believe how much is happening and how fast everything moving... It's crazy, but completely exciting. Talk to you later!

Inked

I want a tattoo.
I want a tattoo.
I WANT A TATTOO.


That's more or less all I've been thinking lately. My biggest problem? I have no idea what I want. Something Harry Potter related is definitely at the top of my list, but I'm also torn between other quotes, RENT, hexagons, and something mathematically related. So far, the best idea I've been given was a phoenix feather, but I don't know what I'd put with it, really. I've thought, "Mischief managed," but that's an ending quote. Like, it's the end of the use of the map, it's how I personally ended the series (when I went to the last movie, I texted, "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," at the beginning, and "Mischief managed," at the end), and it kind of makes me sad.

I'd prefer something Marauders related, but I'm not sure how that will work (I've been reading Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Lily/James Potter quotes all evening). I'm loving the phoenix feather idea, but I'm not sure how to couple it. "Mischief managed," might be appropriate because of the phoenix's regeneration properties; thus, though the mischief is over for now, it will return. I'm torn.

I know it will be on my foot or ankle. My wrist will come much later. Haha. So, if there are any ideas floating around out there, let me know! Muchas gracias.

Spanish? Challenge Accepted

It's been a few days, huh?
I was trying to get on a schedule, bu life threw me a loop with this research project starting.

So far, it's a bit of a brain break, but I love it. It's a lot of math, a lot of combinatorial-style problems, and a lot of fun. Even if it leaves me wide awake at 2:48 a.m. with my laptop and a folder/notebook full of half-finished combinations. :) I thought about giving a rundown of what we're doing, but I'm not sure that'd be an interesting read, so I'm going to talk about something new I'm working on.

I have the most amazing opportunity I can imagine. One of my best friends is an international student from the Central American country of Honduras, and I have been invited to visit him for a week over the summer. With my research stipend, I have enough to purchase my plane ticket, and I will be staying with his family, so it's beginning to look like it actually may happen.

I have one slight problem. I speak muy poquito espanol (Gosh, I hope that grammar is correct. It's supposed to say very little Spanish), and if you haven't guessed, my grammar is atrocious. So I'm headed the library tomorrow to check out a., Spanish for Dummies, and b., the first three Harry Potter books in Spanish. I'm actually really excited.

One of these days, you'll see one of my Harry Potter rants, and it'll all make sense. I am a Harry Potter fanatic. Like, memorized the Sorting Hat's songs and prophecies fanatic. One of my best friends' little brother and I used to quiz each other all the time; my best friend since I was six sets aside certain times during our hang outs for Harry Potter-related debate (was Peter Pettigrew evil or just misunderstood?; Snily vs. Jily; etc.). I'm a die-hard Potterhead, and actually pretty proud of it. So reading it in a new language? Challenge accepted.

Rights and Freedoms

I am a human. I know a lot of other humans that have needs, wants, hopes and dreams; that feel all of the feels; and that want to meet, fall in love with, and marry other humans. As a human, I very much believe that all of the other humans and I are entitled to pursue these things. I don't understand how labeling these humans "male," "female," "gay," "straight," "bisexual," or "transgender" suddenly makes them less deserving of their HUMAN rights. (Answer: It doesn't.)

The fact that I am a straight Christian girl should have NO bearing on the above. 

Come baaaaaaack...

Warning: Mildly whiny and nostalgic post.

I miss my friends. I miss my friends. I MISS MY FRIENDS.

I'm staying on campus this summer for a research thing, and I'm thrilled about it. I enjoy having freedom and being in the "city" instead of half an hour away from everything... But campus is SUPER empty. I mean, I have a handful of friends/acquaintances around, and Tiff's still in town (which ROCKS because she's one of my really, really close friends), but the vast majority of my on-campus comrades are far away... :(

This was a really, really good semester, made up of Catan and Harry Potter and midnight math and IHOP and late nights and laughter and tears and friendship and love of the friendly variety and... I should probably take a breath. My point is that it was a really, really good year. Probably one of my favorites so far. To be honest, I wasn't entirely ready to see it end, which is partially why I'm pining for last August... And this August, though things are going to be different... We're all going to be in separate buildings doing separate things. One friend is going to Greek housing, another's moving to the suites/apartments. I'm a peer adviser in our freshman dorm, two others are in the International/Honors/Arts hall, and Tiff moved off-campus. We're all over the place, which means that things aren't just going to go back to normal when they come back... It's going to change.

I know change is good, but I'm the person who got frustrated when the "high" and "low" temperatures changed sides of the white board. I don't adapt well sometimes (I'm great at reacting to stimuli, but long term changes that distance me from those I love, well... I'm a bit resistant).

But more to the topic of this post... There's something special about having a close group of friends... About being able to be there for someone that has been there for you. About being accepted when you're on top of the world or when you're broke, stressed, and cranky. I am very, very blessed to have them in my life. This may sound crazy and sappy, but a "love you" or "thank you" from someone in that group (or from a family member) means so much more to me than one from a random stranger.

Family is the most important thing in life. Always. But sometimes you have those friends that blur the barrier a bit and become family... And thank God for them. I love you guys (you know who you are), and I will see you in August!